14 July 2009

Random 1

I was born into my family hierarchy as a follower. I am the youngest of three. My father called my older brother #1 son, a la Charlie Chan, and called me #2 son. I don't recall he ever called our oldest sister #1 daughter. My dad would've seen Charlie Chan and I suspect he'd have liked the character. My dad was the oldest in his family, and my mom was the oldest in hers. I speculate that, as all were distinct alphas, they competed to tell me what to do. I'm a natural introvert and they all are/were natural extroverts. As the youngest, aka "the baby", I didn't know anything. I grew up feeling beset upon.

When I recently told my sister I'd signed up on FB and had 60 friends she said, "Really!"
Sensing a competitive edge in her surprise I said, "Tara . . . It's not a competition."
"It's not? Oh yes it is!," she said.

Well I was competitive too. Later on I parried my positioning by not doing what my brother did. It was easy not to follow his mistakes. And I listened to them too. Making my own choices was singular, but because they were only mine I couldn't pin a tail on their donkey. I grew and separated it didn't kept my brother, for a time, from following me. I never saw his emulation as a complement. The great equalizer was our parents proclaiming, "You're all equal." Never looked like that to me when their view of me as the tag-along and the baby never changed.

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