08 April 2009

Checklist for Lent ~ Question Seven

What is your relationship with what you believe to be your purpose in life?

I've been putting an answer off to this question. I could go on, blah, blah, blah, and the answer feels difficult . . . as if from a deep place inside me. And to go inside, takes a deep breath, a sort of summoning, and insight.

I'm reminded of when I begin to exercise. I always just have to begin and overcome my inertia. It's this beginning that's hardest for me; it's my stumble block and it's the biggest and hardest to overcome. Once I start I roll and I can just do. After some work, when I'm fatigued and thirsty and hot and sweaty and feel clammy, then I know I'll have another stumble block and a choice.

And the choice is soon upon me. My choice is not just the physical choice of the effort I must ask of my body. I know I can make the effort, unless I'm just flat-out fatigued, and on empty, and must rest. It's the mental effort, the mental leap into the symbiosis of my mind/body that is tempting me to stop. Often I know I can dig deeper and persevere and labor through the superficial distractions upon me taking me away from the labor in the effort of my exercise. Or, I can choose to stop and stay in my shallows. It's my mental choice to go into and be in the deeper mental and physical water. Most times . . . not always . . . when this work is done, I'm tired and refreshed!

Now I'm not sure I can say what my purpose in life is. I do know it was to be a Daddy; that is what I've worked for. As a young man I was unconscious of it. As a mature man I know it. Now, at this point, at 58-ish years, maybe it's still to be a Daddy, but since my children are adults now, well, I'm uncertain. I'm wondering and wandering.

I once heard it said, Give a man a mission and get out of his way.
Please God . . . what is my purpose now?

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